New Year's Eve

I'm sitting here drinking by my self, something I'd rather not do. Listening to The Almighty Defenders, wishing I had somewhere to go.

I think about all the parties I've gone to, it brings me some comfort. I know I'm not the loneliest person on the planet, but it feels like it.

I hear parties going on around me, but I don't know those people, I'm to old to crash parties anymore... damnit.

My roomate isn't much company, he just wants to talk about Star Wars and Star Trek. I'm not ten anymore, I go numb.

Maybe I'll just take a walk.

12/24/2009

I woke this morning thinking about my son, today's his birthday.
He turned sixteen.
The last time I saw him is when he was four months old. His mother moved to South Carolina, and we kept in touch.
The last time I talked to her, Ben was five years old.
She dissapeared, I don't know were she went, I don't know how he's doing. I don't know anything.

Bored

The only thing I like about being bored, is it gives me plenty of time to think.

Staring at a White Wall

I get up in the morning, I eat, I go to work, I come home, I sit, I sleep.
I get up in the morning, I eat, I go to work, I come home, I sit, I sleep...............................................................

No Good

You know there's a really good chance I'm no good, but I've got hope.

Why?

Why does it seem like we punish more people for being honest, than those who seem to lie?

Ode to Grub (Part. 1)

When we were kids we had this friend name Pat, we called him "Grub". Grub was an excellent wing man.
The three of us were a team. Grub would play stupid while James and I would meet girls and get phone numbers, it worked perfectly. We would introduce ourselves and Grub would grunt on cue, the girls would laugh, we would start making jokes, and boom, now we have cute girls wanting to hang with us.
Unfortunately all good things must come to an end.

Who Fucking Cares!?

You live your life doing what you're told. When do you have time to do what want?

Halloween "87"

I remember one time when I was in 7th grade, I wanted to go out for Halloween with my friend Jaye. My mom said no, so I kept begging until she snapped and started slapping me across the face.
I ran to my bedroom where Jaye was waiting, my mom came in with a wooden spoon and started slapping me across the face with it. At one point the spoon slipped out of her hand and fell behind my bed, so she kept slapping me with her hand, telling me to get it.
When I finally got the spoon and gave it back to her, she proceeded to slap me across the face with it until it broke, so she used her hand for another minute than left..... Jaye made fun of me at school, and since he was my only friend I put up with it.

Confusion in Bliss (4/18/94)

No purpose, no more, fading from the light, waiting for the night. Simply abstracted, falling together, one by one. And with the hanging gardens, with all it's beauty, holds it's crying statues bleeding they're crimson tears.

From the eyes of the feline, from all it's skill comes beauty and grace. Grace of the ballet, ballet in the wastelands, wastelands to a point, point of the needle, needless to say.
Say anything.

Image

Who cares what others think of you, as long as you're real to yourself and those you care about.

Life's Circus (04/22/1994)

Never Again, I won't repeat it.

I saw it, I lived with it, dealt with it, I don't need it.

I had my circus and did well, and after all was said and done, I ended up hating myself for what I'd become.

I can't deny what's there, all over.

It had to be done, I know this now, and will live.

Keep Going

Just a shadow, nothing else. Didn't think I'd still be around, thought I'd be checking out early. Watching the second hand, watching my hair turn gray, who knows I might even make it to old age.

No wife, no kids. Most of my friends have forgotten me, my family doesn't talk to me. I keep going, too stubborn to give up. Got nothing else left, but to keep going.